in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
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