Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
