So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
