Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
