apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
So I just went to clothing optional bar
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
