When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
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