there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
