I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Randomize
