Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
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