so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
