i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Randomize
