i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
operation harelip BJ is a go
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Randomize
