i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
