dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Randomize
