saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
I want to fling myself into the sun
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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