I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
