dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
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