he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
Randomize
