im about as happy as oj after his trial
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Randomize