Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
My underwear smells like fireworks.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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