I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
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