I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
Randomize
