are you so shy because you have an std?
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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