I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
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