I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Randomize
