is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
Randomize
