i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Randomize