so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
