Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize