Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
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