No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
