Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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