I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
