So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
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