Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
