just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize
