i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
