whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Randomize
