We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
