He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
