its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
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