Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
