How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Randomize
