who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
Randomize
