I'm pants shitting drunk right now
Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
I forgot how hot balto sounded
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
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