Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
