too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Randomize
