I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
