someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
Randomize
