The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Use "feeling words"
Yay
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Randomize
