I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Randomize
