i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
It's official drugs can't kill me
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
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