I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
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