she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Randomize
