Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
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