Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
Randomize
