Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Why did my mother make you get naked?
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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