i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
Randomize
