I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Randomize
