This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Randomize
