Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Randomize