Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
