Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
Randomize
