aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
Randomize
