Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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