I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize
