I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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