remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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