it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
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