You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
