She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
