i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Randomize
