You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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