Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
