3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
one might say we're banned from that church
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
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