Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Randomize
