I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
someone get that fucking seahorse.
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Randomize
