apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
Randomize
