Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
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