Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
