Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
