He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Randomize
