I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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