Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
Randomize
