He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
