If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
