he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Randomize
