Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
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