HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
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