apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Randomize
