Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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