he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
