i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
