dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
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