Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Randomize